Home Life on Twitter Select Facebook posts July 2009 – December 2009

Select Facebook posts July 2009 – December 2009

by Klaus

Do you realize how much content you create on Facebook? Unlike Twitter Facebook doesn’t offer any easy way to grab your own content. I went through my postings of the last six months and manually copied a good part of them. After all they are mine – not Facebooks’. I’d encourage you to do the same thing. It gives you a good glimpse of what occupied your mind at a certain time. I’ll do this monthly from now on. ready for a bundle of thoughts from all over the place? Here six months altogether. Enjoy!

—————- December 2009 —————-

  • 12/31 – In case you haven’t figured out your look for New Year’s eve yet. Nice take on Avatar :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zaJdq0VUtk
  • 12/30 – What if Apple wouldn’t introduce a tablet device in January and just introduces iPizza instead? iZenGarden would be another good one – it’s also flat. Message to Steve Jobs: People want something flat that they can touch. Can you please come up with something?
  • 12/28 – Airport Parking Reservations has just been offering me a special deal for A New Year. Sorry but that’s not where I intended to spend New Year’s Eve – even if it is covered parking with free appetizers
  • 12/25 – Some things really taste like sh*t. Let’s hope no-one is serving them to you today. Merry Xmas!
  • 12/24 – The Tiger Woods riddle is solved: He is a mormon but practiced secretly. He was doing try-outs for a few extra wifes and was about to move to Utah. His 1st wife and him couldn’t agree on the color of the bathroom tiles in the new home. So she moved out.
  • 12/23 – Major changes ahead in Germany: Half of Germany will be glued to their TVs again. Beer consumption will go up accordingly. People will grow mullets again. Guys that can even afford a bicycle will run around in Mercedes caps. There will be convoys of Mercedes cars honking on Sunday afternoons. Why? Schumacher is back in Formula One. Good times…
  • 12/20 – How are your Xmas preparations coming along. Have you already finalized your lines that will serve the first blows to your family members? You  that presents can say more than a thousand words ;-) And how about making an appointment with your therapist on the 26th at 8AM? Be proactive! Love, love love…love is all around :-)
  • 12/17 – Now I know why I am SOOOOO tired. Because they are playing EXTREMELY crappy Xmas music everywhere. My heartbeat is at 35. No Babyface, no Boney James Funky Xmas, no Franco Sattamini (got to check him out), not even my man Will Downing. Just lowest common denominator CRAP EVERYWHERE. Enough ranting. I am going home now and get my fix.
  • 12/16 – The first 10 people that send me a message me their mailing address will get a personal Xmas card from me. No matter who u are & where u are. I am just not into the Happy Holidays from everyone for everyone via FB, Twitter or whatever else thing. Who cares? I support the logging business and the USPS :-) The way the US…
  • 12/15 – I need to buy myself some presents and wrap them up quickly. This way I’ll forget what’s in the packages before the 24th. I am really that good ;-) It will make for a splendid xmas.
  • 12/14 – As for Tiger Woo: I might just prostitute myself and take some golf lessons & pick up some of his endorsement contracts. There is a void to be filled. I don’t sleep around that much and should be able to hit a ball in a month or two. I shave almost daily and would even have a Gatorade here and then. I don’t crash my ca…r at 2am either. You’ve got my number. Let’s seal the deals.
  • 12/13 – Charlie Brown Xmas tree? Heck no. I won’t settle for anything less than a 6 footer. My house is pined out. There some elves dancing around it at night but that’s just fine. They bring good spirits into the house…it’s a midwinter night’s dream…
  • 12/12 – Has anyone done one of those posts yet that only you can see? People with multi personality issues are already raving about that new functionality. How about: Note to Klaus – Water heats up much faster when the stove is actually switched on. I could do hundreds of these :-)
  • 12/10 – I figured out the perfect diet: Eat less & work out more. Beware: it is not FDA approved yet.

—————- November 2009 —————-

  • 11/30 – How about replacing the word “hate” with “dislike” or “strongly dislike”? Wouldn’t that do in 99% of all cases?
  • 11/25 – I wish FB would have a drop down when you become a fan: 1. Because I have to for political correctness 2. I kind of sort of like them 3. I am crazy about them 4. They suck but I become a fan of everything on FB 5. I have nothing else to do and felt like pushing some buttons 6. You figure it out 7. I don’t remember
  • 11/24 – What’s your strategy for “Black Friday”? It would be a good day to perform a few random acts of kindness – people will be surprised when they only expect to get trampled upon, elbow checked or yelled at.
  • 11/23 – This morning I saw I Beetle plastered with US Army stickers. That’s about as suitable as having a Rolls Royce with a “Help the Poor” bumper sticker and a peace sign on the hood.
  • 11/19 – A fan asks Twilight star Robert Patisson at a book signing how she could get his attention. He replies “why don’t you take your clothes off”. And so she does – until security steps in. For whom would you take off your clothes in public? Note: This question doesn’t apply to Boulder folks. They take their clothes off a…ll the time anyway. Friggin naked bike riders you are! :-)
  • 11/17 – Took my first Bikram Yoga class in 2 years. For all who don’t know it: It is basically Yoga for wussies. You just stand and lay around in a hot room and break a little sweat. Piece of cake ;-)
  • 11/9 – The Berlin wall went down 20 years ago – I was there. If you have old pics and spot me in them I’ll buy them from you at all cost. I am at your mercy. I really don’t need these posted on FB or anywhere else. I never looked more hideous than in these days. I am the guy in the neon-yellow jacket that looks like an Xmas angel.

—————- October 2009 —————-

  • 10/27 – I am holding an all day “how to build a snowman” clinic tomorrow. We will getting the ball rolling by 9AM. Please bring your own snowballs for the scheduled fights at 11AM and 3PM
  • 10/23 – Have you ever gotten sick because people talk too much about Twitter or FB? I’d prefer a vaccine for that over H1N1 ;-)
  • 10/20 – Here is how to show off as a social media expert: Create your own mess & then put out the fire. And show everyone how good you are :-)
  • 10/20 – I am wondering why my parents never sent my on a little balloon trip. Or at least tie me to a rocket & shoot me to the moon. Everything was always so low key. The TV stations never stopped by :-(
  • 10/17 – What do the words “I have been busy” and “I didn’t have time” used as an excuse really mean? Maybe “I have chosen to spend my time otherwise”. Many times I feel out of integrity when these phrases drop out of my mouth.
  • 10/16 – Harrods is now selling gold bars. The largest one available is 12.5 kilos and costs 290k Euros. Could I have that double bagged please?
  • 10/15 – Heidi Samuel (former Klum) has three kids now: Lou Sulola (girl) Henry Günther Ademola Dashtu Samuel (boy) Johan Riley Fyodor Taiwo Samuel (boy). The dude of course is Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adeola Samuel. All easy stuff. No Apples or Oranges here. Got that? Learn the names and you’ll beat the heck out of everyone at Scrabble… Can’t you punish your kids with time-out instead of a name?
  • 10/13 – Sweet tooth: An 8 yr-old in Germany tries to buy candy for over $2,100. The cashier was wondering if he had the cash. So he showed it to him. Turns out he borrowed it from his dad’s desk. That’s what I call a craving :-)
  • 10/11 – I am looking everywhere but I can’t find anything to complain about. My life really sucks.
  • 10/11 – What’s new in Great Britain? The members of the house of commons are returning from their “summer break” this week. Summer? Really? I guess since they don’t even have a real summer it doesn’t really matter when it takes place. Blackpool isn’t really on top of my travel destinations for next years. I think that’s where Rihanna came up with her umbrella song.
  • 10/10 – Guess what? It’s snowing. How about free prozac at the stores for everyone that doesn’t feel like running outside and build a 15ft snowman?
  • 10/8 – Iceland is still in the midst of a major recession. Guess who is #1 in the world database of happiness? You got it. Money isn’t everything
  • 10/7 – Somali pirates find another target & attack. The ship was from the French Navy. Ouch. Don’t we all have a bad day in the office here & then?
  • 10/7 – The organizers of the Bathurst 1000 – a car race in Australia – decided to limit the beer consumption in the crowd to 9 liters or 2.3 gallons per head a day. That’s 24 cans. These poor people will totally dehydrate since they are allergic to water. I am wondering who had that great idea ;-) JUST FYI: It is really Bathurst and not Bratwurst. You know about my sucky spelling so I want to clarify this…
  • 10/5 – A study claims that sperm promotes longevity. You don’t want to know what I am thinking. I don’t want you to know either ;-) http://is.gd/3ZhBN

I won’t have any female friends left on and off FB if I start sharing ;-)
  • 10/1 – Ever heard of screamo-gangsta-metal-techno-rap? Me neither. Sounds pretty bad, right? I’d still take it over country music any time. Can someone please switch the lights off in Nashville and Memphis?
  • 10/1 – Due to a former speech writer the Bush administration thought of J.K. Rowling to inspire witchcraft. 
What’s so bad about that?
Why didn’t they use her to fix the budget or maybe win a war or two?

—————- September 2009 —————-

  • 9/30 – Toyota most likely to recall 3.8 million cars in the US due to loose floor mats locking the gas pedal. Apparent 3.8 mln fast & furious is a bit more than our road network can handle ;-)
  • 9/28 – A man in Saudi Arabia talks openly about his sex life: He’s facing 1000 whips & up to 20 yrs in jail. That’s why I hide my relationship status on FB ;-)
  • 9/23 – Whenever some calls me weird ever again I will throw Gaddafi’s name in their face. He owns the word. We need a new term for everyone else.
  • 9/23 – Ever heard of psycholytic therapy? Your psychotherapist is handing you drugs in a “protected” environment. Puts you in touch with your inner self. Imagine a guy getting caught with a bag of LSD: “You don’t understand! I am a therapist on my way to work…” Too bad two people died this week in Berlin during group session. Don’t do it.
  • 9/22 – Brace yourself: Gaddafi is coming to town. He’ll talk at he United Nations tomorrow. I am sure he’ll come up with some neat “revolutionary” ideas. The biggest question of course: “What will he be wearing?” ;-)
  • 9/18 – My daughter constantly comes up with these really cool lines. But she is hardcore when it comes to copyright. I’d be on my way to jail if I’d use any of them. She never forgets to mention the circled c. No creative commons license available. She’ll simply sue my ass off ;-)
  • 9/18 – The Chinese are planning a chocolate theme park to encourage higher chocolate consumption. I am glad someone has their head on straight.

I’d buy some dental stocks…
  • 9/17 – Two thoughts on Kanye West: 1. A Duets Album won’t be happening anytime soon. 2. The only place where can get front row seats right now is his home theater.
  • 9/16 – Just FYI: I HATE fall with a passion. There is nothing in it for me. Trees changing colors just remind me that I will soon freeze my buns off, take three times the time to get from A to B and everything turns into brown and grey. I wish I could just hibernate until spring…I’d do Xmas in May instead ;-)
  • 9/14 – A 107 year old woman in Malaysia is looking for her 23rd husband. Does match.com allow for triple digits or is she stuck with eHarmony?
  • 9/12 – Competing in cross country when you are a natural born talent is easy. Competing when you couldn’t even run 100 yards 3 months ago is a bit harder. That’s what my daughter just did. No matter she finished last. This was classic “she’s doing it”. Her entire team cheered her on at the finish line. Very emotional stuff…Needless to say that Klaus is a proud dad today.
  • 9/11 – Good news for dog owners: A Tibetian Mastiff has been sold for $585,000. I just put my dogs on Craigslist for 750k. It’s a two in one deal. It is a steal compared to that rotten spoiled thing that looks like a sheep. Most probably he needs a shrink to keep his ego in check.
  • 9/11 – “Remastered” Beatles Albums on sale at Starbucks. Who buys them in ’09? I got the blue, red & white album some 25 yrs ago. And I was late.
  • 9/8 – “I’m trackin’ you. Positive! … Positive energy! I’m diggin’ it”. That’s what a pedestrian said about my car yesterday. Handshake included ;-) Get the right car and you can have way more fun in traffic. It doesn’t have to be expensive. A convertible is always a good starting point…
  • 9/8 – Obama is stressing the importance of studying & education in a speech today. It is broadcast to classrooms. His critics call it brainwash & socialist indoctrination. How are our kids going to smarten up if we continue to question that we need shift priorities from less trashy entertainment towards studying? We might w…ell end up being the dumbest country of the world…
  • 9/7 – In case anyone is thinking about getting the names or faces of their kids tattooed on their skin: I’d recommend to hold off until they passed their teenage days ;-) Maybe just do henna tattoos until then…they could be updated accordingly…
  • 9/6 – As for buying 1,000 Fb friends on uSocial for $177: With the same amount of money you could host a kick-ass dinner party for 6 or you could buy a round-trip ticket with Southwest and meet one of your friends face to face. Spend your money wisely.
  • 9/4 – FB Relationship status: Why don’t they let us list our ex-girlfriends? Sometimes that would be way more entertaining then our current status
  • 9/4 – uSocial now selling 1,000 FB friends for $177. Give me a break. Can you please go away? 
Everyone that is falling for that is a total idiot. Don’t do it.
  • 9/3 – Everyone in my street is packing up to leave for the weekend. By tomorrow I could walk around the block naked and no-one would notice. Since I told all of you wannabe-paparazzi I won’t take my chances ;-)
  • 9/2 – 1st day of high school for my daughter. I asked her this morning if she wanted the big speech I had prepared for her about the importance of the day. She said “NO”. I don’t know how to deal with that blow. It was such a great speech ;-)

—————- August 2009 —————-

  • 8/31 -Chris Brown states that he still wants to stay friends with Rihanna. I guess we’d call that a long distance relationship. Or maybe pen pals?
  • 8/30 – Wildfires in California? Aha. Why is that clogging the headlines? How about: It is raining in Seattle instead? That’s really unusual as well
  • 8/27 – I want to see a fetus sail around the world by him/herself & arrive as an 18 mth-old at its final destination. Who cares about a 13 yr-old?
  • 8/26 – Apparently heavier people have smaller brains when they grow old. Maybe our 85lb “super models” are the brainiacs in the retirement home? I won’t play chess with them…
  • 8/23 – As for the Italian guy who won $212 million in the Lottery: I hope he’s not on FB. He’d have 50,000 friend requests by now. Choose wisely!
  • 8/21 – A Japanese traveler chains his suitcase to a bench at the Hamburg railway station & takes a little sight-seeing stroll. 1/2 the station got evacuated. Took 90 minutes to find the guy. Bombastic. Inspector Clouseau couldn’t have done better…
  • 8/21 – What would you do if you were the almighty ruler of FB for one day? Require a profile picture with full nudity in return for premium features (you’d see millions of it in minutes)? Lower the minimum signup age to 3? How about a random friendship mechanism that shuffles all your friends every day? How about blocking 10…0 million peoples’ profiles for a day – just for fun? Better not make me the prez ;-)
  • 8/20 – Would u rather go voting in Afghanistan today or run across a field packed with land mines? Or both? I’d rather do the entire X Games twice
  • 8/18 – Did you know you can win battles without fighting them? You simply side with your opponent until you figure it out. Imagine 2 boxers sitting next to each other on a bench – looking in the same direction. How can they really hit it each other? This won’t work all the time. But it is worth trying out. It takes two to fight. But only one to avoid fighting. Pretty neat.
  • 8/18 – Everyone on FB is taking the Myers Briggs test. IQ test is also on FB. Rorschach is on Wikipedia. Soon we’ll see DIY psychotherapy in public
  • 8/16 – Englishman Paul lewis falls from 10,000 feet. His parachute doesn’t open. He crashes through the roof of a hangar. Is he dead? No. Broken bones? No. He definitely used up his luck for this life and the next 10 reincarnations to come. I would stay inside for the rest of my life…
  • 8/15 – A 13 yr-old girl from the Netherlands wants to sail around the world. Alone. Maybe her parents made her? Instead of “go to your room”…
  • 8/14 – I hardly ever say this but I am so proud of myself: Today is my mom’s birthday and I did NOT forget about it. Huge. No dog house 4 me today
  • 8/14 – Anybody taking their ride to Pebble Beach this weekend? No? I thought so. Shouldn’t have done cash for clunkers ;-)
  • 8/13 – Female boxing to become Olympic in 2012: Gloves sold out. Boxing ring going up across the street. Just please don’t go co-ed on me ;-)
  • 8/11 – I like how FB is such a chameleon. Something is changing every day. I wish everything in life would be like that. Well, not everything – but you know what I mean. Imagine an entire culture/country being that dynamic? Nuts I know, but still appealing in some ways.
  • 8/10 – My fortune cookie reads: “A thrilling time is in your immediate future”. Nice. How about adding a TinyURL with some more specifics?
  • 8/9 – I don’t like terrorists – no matter what their cause is. They’re trying to use the power of fear. Can’t we just leave that to the religions?
  • 8/7 – Just dropped of my daughter at her mom’s after celebrating her birthday with her. I am still shaking my head about how much fun I had last night and this morning. Partaaay. My abs are sore… I have to admit: Making a 14 year old’s birthday special is a bit more down my alley than dealing with toddlers…
  • 8/5 – You are living life to the fullest today, correct? Or do you have a day of your life to waste? I certainly don’t.
  • 8/4 – Eventually people will check for a FB name availability before they name their babies ;-) Good branding can never start early enough

—————- July 2009 —————-

  • 7/28 – Texting while driving increases the risk of an accident 23 times. That’s worse than driving totally drunk & getting a BJ at the same time
  • 7/27 – I am in creative mode today. It just doesn’t help that my super-fantastic ideas can’t be applied to the work sitting on my desk today ;-)
  • 7/27 – Does anyone on Facebook feel like the have no friends? How about that box in the left column of your wall page then? Maybe you reach out a little instead of just piling people up in there. You’ll be surprised.
  • 7/26 – Adults changing a relationship status on FB can cause huge drama. As for teenagers: It has the potential for disaster. I’d take it away.
  • 7/26 – What is so appealing to only listen to voices that tell us what we like to hear? Versus gaining insight by listening to inconvenient truths?
  • 7/25 – Edmond Salis copies Bleriot’s flight across the channel 100 yrs ago in an exact replica of the Blériot XI. AMAZING pis: http://bit.ly/y0BcX
  • 7/24 – The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. – Carl Jung
  • 7/22 – Did you know u can also be relevant by keeping it quiet- at least once in a while? Not everyone that doesn’t post every day is irrelevant
  • 7/21 – Some people are posting weird stuff. I know what you are thinking. There are still three fingers pointing back at you though ;-)
  • 7/21 – Kelly Hildebrandt finds someone with the same name on FB. Now they are getting married. I will not marry anyone with my name. That’s firm.
  • 7/20 – Francis of Assisi is getting competition: Silvio Berlusconi wants to revamp his life and wants to do a pilgrimage. Maybe to Playboy Mansion?
  • 7/20 – Strict smoking ban introduced in Turkey incl. the tea houses. Only exceptions: Prisons, retirement home and psychiatric hospitals. Go figure
  • 7/18 – My brand new stats: I’ve been blocked by 234,632 Twitter users & 98% of my FB friends are hiding my updates.How is that for being outspoken?
  • 7/17 – Just went to a nice Pizza place in Arvada. Then the band came on. Ended up having dinner hobo style on a bench in the streets…nice conversation with the passer by’s though…Some people should just join noisemakers anonymous.
  • 7/17 – A court hearing re divorce is not a fun event – even if you have a future ex-wife with class and common sense. It is still sad. Been there done that this morning. Brighton District Court no more – please!
  • 7/16 – Nothing better than driving a convertible to Boulder with some premium sun and awesome music on board. Well, a few things come to mind that beat even that but usually not at that time of the day. Tagging at 3AM for example ;-)
  • 7/16 – The Internet needs a bouncer. Where else do they let everyone in? I still get eyesores way too often. On my way to the optometrist ;-)
  • 7/15 – How much would it suck to have 5,000 friends on Facebook? U’d have to un-friend someone to add someone new. I’d be on the guilt trip all day
  • 7/14 – Sending someone good energy should be hard coded in your daily agenda. Somehow I always get back more than I am giving. Yes, it’s that easy.
  • 7/13 – Data mining at its worst: Facebook is sucking all the data of the world – still they are inviting me to become a supporter of Sarah Palin
  • 7/13 – Finally: Psychologists in England found out that cursing reduces the pain when you get hurt. I knew the F-word was good for something :-)
  • 7/12 – Fireworks in my usually very quiet neighborhood from 2-4 AM last night. It felt like Dennis Rodman was in the house and maybe Axel Rose swung by as well. Good times…NOT
  • 7/11 – Must go bike riding now. You don’t want to meet me when I feel that energized. I’ll end up in your personal loonie corner (might be there already). I’ll be better in a few hours – I promise ;-)
  • 7/9 – “Lots of people want to ride with u in the limo, but what u want is someone who will take the bus with u when the limo breaks down.” Oprah W
  • 7/8 – Thomas Edison: “There ain’t no rules here. We’re trying to accomplish something.” I like it. Doesn’t work with the Highway Patrol though ;-)
  • 7/6 – Anybody who thinks that life isn’t beautiful should send me a note. I’ll convince you otherwise :-) On another day I might need you to return the favor ;-)
  • 7/6 – An 18 year-old Australian was asked by his mom to clean up the garage and sell some of his stuff on the web. He’s not happy & posts nude pics of her online & offers her for trade. Lesson to be learned: Don’t be mean to your kids ;-)
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