Dear Kardashian Reality Show Producer,
I heard of the great tragedy of your lead character going through a very painful divorce. I understand the family’s need for privacy. Kim and her sisters will need a leave of absence to heal and recover. Of course this leaves you with the great challenge to fill an open slot on your prime time schedule.
I’ve been thinking it over and even though I am fairly busy I am willing to make the sacrifice and step in. The problem is of course that my life is almost entirely drama free (I had a few branches fall of my tree last week and the landed pretty hard in my backyard. I also had a pretty rough Halloween weekend. This time of the year always brings up memories of The Wizard of Oz which is the scariest movie EVER).
But not all is lost: I could re-enact some scenes from my divorce that should satisfy the needs of your audience. I also have some Facebook friends that are total drama queens (male and female) and I am sure they are willing to step up to the plate when they are called to duty. One bad episode of Jersey Shore and they are having a melt-down, I swear. I might even be able to drum up 5 friends from my past live that will vouch for me being mental.